But now that the day has arrived and I am stuffing tiny cornish game hens with wild rice and pomegranate seeds, I think, "Why the hell am I doing this? I LOVE GRAVY."
It's going to be good, you'll see. The only thing I'm hanging on to at this point in my life is my job and the fact that I'm losing weight like a mofo.
So Thanksgiving (aka The Eating Holiday) does not hold very much joy for me at the moment.
Don't get me wrong, the whole spending time with family thing is wonderful and I love them dearly...
But Thanksgiving and Christmas were always very couple-y holidays for me. I was shopping for my boyfriend like, months before Christmas. Collecting socks and dress shirts and fun novelty gifts to stow away in our closet (But down below where he wouldn't see). And this year...
Well this year I'm going to be spending a lot less money.
So that's nice.
SEEING THE SILVER LINING.
Ugh. I am so tired of being cheerful. (I know, you're like, when were you being cheerful? I missed this.) I just want to wallow in my little pond of depression and discontent over here. But my mom is making rolls and telling me how much she missed me, and my dog is next to me on the couch (Occasionally leaning over and licking my keyboard) and I just feel like a Grinch.
I guess the reason why we're making a new menu, new everything, is because everything is different this year.
My grandma is gone, my cousins are married, my sister and her family never come over for thanksgiving (She goes to her mom's; half sister you know.) and so it's just us. Mom, Dad, Katie and Brother. And Brother's Girlfriend. Who is incredibly silent, but very nice. Probably. Also include the random orphan assortment of neighbors that come over, awkwardly bringing boardgames without knowing that our family has almost NEVER played games involving boards (or tiny metal dogs, or wrenches or games involving apples). It's a good old time.
I don't sleep very well anymore. I had a dream the other night that I was in the house of my childhood, running door to door trying to lock them against the wolves and SHARKS that were gathered outside. According to a dream dictionary (Ugh, I know) that I was reading, wolves represent financial ruin, sharks represent an adversary and closed doors represent a missed opportunity. Though since I was closing the doors against the wolves and sharks, am I avoiding these things?
Or am I having crazy dreams that just mean I watch too much animal planet?
At the beginning of the summer when I was incredibly depressed and tired (I know, I've made such a leap forward!) I wrote a list of things that would make my life better.
1. Job
2. My own place
3. Boyfriend
Now I'm here, 2/3 and I feel ten times better then I did this summer, but I still don't feel great. I don't think those things are the things that will make me happy. (No comment on #3) I don't think changing the Thanksgiving menu will change my life (Except for the lack of weight gain).
I think I need a different list.
1. A Sense Of Purpose
I'm really hoping this is going to be our "end result" photo...
Right now they look like tiny, naked, baby heads and
they're making me question my mortality.
Maybe you were missing the opportunity to experience financial ruin and adversity.
ReplyDeleteThat's my story.